Sunday, May 10, 2009

To My Mom

This past year has been the most enjoyable time in my life enjoying my mom. If you have ever met my mom, she immediately remembered your name, made you feel comfortable and took a sincere interest in your life and who you are as a person. It took me a long time to truly begin to appreciate those qualities in my mom.

My mom and I can be as different as night and day. I like to wake up early and get my day started off with gusto, however, by 9:30 I am mostly worthless. My mom sets her alarm only so she can push the snooze. She even gives herself 30 minutes in the morning to sit in a chair and "wake up". But, when night time comes, she is a party in a package. I enjoy scheduling and organization. Mom thinks structure and schedule is boring and lacks creativity. I tend to have strengths in the task side of things, while mom is definitely on the side of people. My house might be neat as a pin, Mom would go out for coffee first with a girlfriend. I am strong-willed and enjoy leadership, Mom has a servants' heart and finds it really hard to say "no". For many years, I struggled to allow Mom to be Mom. I watched my girlfriends' mothers around me and favored those who acted like me and did life like me. I asked the question, "why can't mom be this way?". I held expectations on her that suffocated her and I think kept her from wanting to spend time with me.

About a year ago, I was going through my attic and found my baby book. Like my mother, many lines were empty (probably because the phone rang and that person distracted mom to help meet a need). I found this picture in that book...

I saw this beautiful woman holding tight to her baby. It was MY mother holding ME! Immediately, I realized that my mom and I were so much more alike than I realized. She loved her precious baby the same way I hold my babies. She spent nights just watching me wondering what I would become, dreaming of the times we would have together and just praying for me. God began to do a work in my heart. I began to pray that God would free me from bitterness of unmet expectations. I prayed that God would help me to love Mom for who she was. God began to reveal to me all of the ways that Mom was playing a huge role in my life. She is my biggest prayer warrior, she supports me in being a mom of 6 children (she did 5 herself), she loves the details of all of my days and will laugh with me, but most of all she forgives me for all of my shortcomings (there must be so many). I began to realize that many of my friends' mothers who might look like they had it together, didn't take phone calls from their daughters at 2 AM, favored their career over riding in the car 45 minutes to watch a volleyball game and never had the conversations Mom and I had. I could tell my mom anything and ask anything.

So, why do I tell you all of this? I prayed before I wrote this blog tonight that God would truly bless my mom from reading this. Mom, you are truly the best mom this 32 year old girl could ever ask for or need. Also, I know many of you struggle with your moms like I did. I know, I have talked to you. I want God to do a work in your heart too. God didn't give you your mom on a whim. He placed you in her arms for a specific purpose. I am praying that God would reconcile you together and change that relationship.

Thanks Mom for a great year. Thanks for loving me and my family. Thanks for all the sacrifice you make for us day after day. Thank you for loving God with all of your heart and passing your faith to your children and grandchildren. Thank you for the never giving up, never leaving, never stopping love that I experience from you everyday. I love you.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this tribute! I can really connect with what you are talking about! My mom and I have come a long way in the past year! I realize she is getting older and may not be around for too many more years. I don't want to live with any regrets! I love my mom and thank God everyday for giving her to me! May God continue to enrich your relationship with your mom!
Jennifer J.

jillybean said...

Jen, What a good post! Your words spoke to my heart even though my mom is gone. It is so true that God orchestrates who our parents will be and uses them to shape us and mold us into His image. I love those beautiful pictures of your mother. So precious!